I Need More


When I first met my wife, I was in love.

I was in a relationship that I wanted to give my whole life to something. I was in no place to love another woman.

I was perfectly content, happy, in love with what I had…

I was lying there with my back on the ground, my feet propped up on the boys dresser, tossing a tennis ball against the wall.

My thoughts were filled with my life, my new life, my new future. My tosses to the wall were getting harder and harder. My thoughts were getting harder and harder to take.

I stepped up, I walked out the door, I headed for the one place I knew would be my only escape. I believe the saying is…

“When life gets to hard to stand, kneel.”

I had kneeled, I had gotten as low as I could go, it was time to climb…

I walked to the park up the road, I spotted the playground rock wall, and I climbed… to the top.

I sat and watched the sunset. It is my favorite time of day.

I sat on top of this rock, I starred at the orange, pink, blue, and white.

I prayed.

“Heavenly Father, I have prayed for peace, you have given it to me. I have prayed for comfort, you have given it to me. I have prayed to let me hurt, so I could feel Lindsay, you have given it to me. I have prayed for everything that I know to pray for. You have given it to me. I am at a loss now. I don’t know what to pray for anymore. The only word I can think of is “more.” I don’t know what that is, but you do. So that is what I am asking for now, “more.” I don’t know what it is, but I am ready for it. Please give it to me.”

I headed to the house and within a couple of hours: I received a message. It was from someone who knew Lindsay and it was about a girl who was living out the nightmare that I was. I thought very little of this at the time. It was another person that was living with my reality, it was not the first, or last.

After an introduction through a couple of messages, I moved on with my days…

Until a couple of days later.

I was now sharing in this journey with someone who understood my pain, all the while, I could understand hers.

We moved passed the common denominator, and began to discover each other.

I had given up, I had thrown my arms in the air and that’s what He wanted me to do. It took a little while because I had accepted my new life. But the one I had accepted was not what He wanted for me. It wasn’t enough for me and He knew that, though I did not.

He was going to give me “more.”

I told Him I was ready.

The relationship I mentioned above, where I state, “I was in a relationship that I wanted to give my whole life to something…”, it is my relationship with my Father above.

He had me where He wanted me.

Fast forward a couple of years and here I am.

I married my “more.”

I am completely in love with my life.

This week, at home, with my wife and kids, it has something cast over it…

It is so thick, so peaceful, so beautiful, so perfect…

It is something not everyone looks for, many times they just stumble upon it in their life… It is by His grace alone that one can achieve this. You can not work for it, there is just nothing YOU can do for it.

You have to give yourself up for it. You have to lay down everything for it, because only He knows the definition of it for your life. It comes in infinite ways.

It is… Redemption.

I am redeemed.

In love.


Heavenly Father,

Thank you for this day, this day of redemption. We don’t always see your way, many seek it, some don’t know where to look, but up. I pray your healing hand, your redeeming hand finds each and every one of those souls seeking redemption in their lives. I pray as they throw their arms in the air, you find them, and pull them from the depths of whatever it is they are weathering. I pray your unfailing love is enough to comfort them as you continue your quest for redemption in their lives. I pray they rest in the day of their redemption. I pray they know that through Jesus Christ and His resurrection, you cast their day of redemption.

In Christ’ name, amen.


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