Searching for Joy


I’ve never been addicted to drugs or alcohol. My addiction was chasing a ”high”. It was the closest thing to being alive that I could experience. My highs came at a young age when I did something bad and got away with it. They rolled over into getting piercings and a tattoo, which turned into partying and using substances, which morphed into marathons and triathlons, and then jumping from airplanes attached to parachutes or jumping from tall structures attached to bungee cords. Each thing was different and yet the exact same. I wanted to feel. I wanted to experience euphoria. I was searching for joy.

The first time I did something new would create this rush of adrenaline. But the second and third were never quite like that first. They always left me unsatisfied. Lacking. Depressed.

Until I found the high of a lifetime. The high that never leaves me unsatisfied and longing for more. The high that finally completed me and filled me to full and overflowing. Jesus.

I had finally seen myself through clear eyes. I saw the sin, the shame, the guilt. I realized no matter how hard I scrubbed to remove it or piled on new layers of make-up to hide it, the filth was there for all to see.

Yet that’s when Jesus reached out, washed me, and filled me with the best high. In my darkest, loneliest, most void time, Jesus gave me joy. The best high ever! The truth that Jesus, perfect, sin-free, wholesome, loving, Jesus came and died for me, little-old, dirty, broken me, finally sank into my heart. That truth stopped my search and started a path of obedience. ”All the wrath of God that I deserved with every breath”, fell upon Jesus and in that moment I was made whole and new in Him.

My days are now spent seeking to know Him. The best highs I’ve ever experienced have been feeling the presence of God and sharing what He’s done for me with others. Now, no matter what circumstance I’m in, there is pure joy in my heart. Daily I experience joy in following my Savior. Your search can be over, too. All you have to do is ask Him. Ask Him to make you new.

”Behold, I am making all things new.” Revelation 21:5

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26

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