I feel like a drug addict in rehab. This is day 2 of 30 (baby steps) of removing the Facebook app off my phone. The twitching will start at any time. Having to walk to our home office to actually log on to Facebook on a desktop computer has been quite the experience. The daily enjoyment I had of purging through my social apps, has now turned into sitting in a hard chair, holding my own head up, in a well-lit room, in the back corner of my house. Sigh! Here is why I believe Facebook is female porn…

1- Gives False Expectations

Females across the world are signing into their Facebook accounts to be let down. Their husbands or boyfriends (not to mention children) aren’t as funny or as strong or as Christ-like or as good of a father as our friends’ husbands. It gives us the expectation that we deserve better. That God didn’t give the best to us.

Just as men believe that every woman wants to have sex every single day and will orgasm each and every time. That our bodies are perfectly firm and our desires for their “man part” are even more pressing. We become discontent with what we have been given and search for more. We want more! Which brings me to my next point…

2- What Else is There?

We are constantly searching for more- never content. What once gave us 100% satisfaction with just enjoying a special moment or piece of humor or random thought with our spouse- has now turned to needing more. Needing more approval. Needing more people to enjoy. Needing to read or see more because there has to be more that we aren’t seeing. Needing to be heard more fully by more people. Hammering a point home with more family and friends- and strangers. It makes us less dependent on our spouse. One time, I had a hilarious moment with the kids that I had to text to my husband. His response was “That is too funny! Wish I was there!” Did that satisfy my tickle I had- NO! So I posted it. Do you know what kind of message this sent to my husband, “You didn’t give me the response I was needing or looking for so I am going to share that moment with hundreds of others so I can get my 100% satisfaction from someone other than you!”

Porn- not sure if this area needs any more explanation but will continue anyway. Before we had Internet, husbands were fully pleasured by their wives. Now they are searching for more. They want to try new things. Expect a change up every time they have sex. More! More! More! Sending messages to their loved ones as “Eh, you’re ok, but I am looking for something more!” And our female brains twist it to “she is way more sexy than me, that’s why he watches porn, so I am going to close myself off to him.” Which brings up another point, he will give you less (less talking, less conversing) because you are getting your emotional needs met in other places. AND THE VICIOUS CYCLE CONTINUES…. No ones needs are getting met and everyone is looking in other places to achieve their 100%.

3- Makes Our Spouse Feel Insecure

We get to see hundreds of pictures of spouses together- on the beach soaking up the sun, drinking their pineapple-induced martini’s, skiing the slopes of the Colorado Mountains, burying each other in the sand and building castles, taking part in meccas of shopping across the US, elaborate date nights, beautiful selfies, and celebrations of weddings/anniversaries/birthdays. Meanwhile, there is a hard working husband at home loving every minute of his average paying job and hears from his wife a simple statement, “I wish we traveled more.” She didn’t say it in a beat down ridiculed way, but he can’t give that life to his wife. There is nothing more my husband wants in this world than to give me every desire of my heart. I am hoping there is a large portion of men who would agree. So when we are constantly viewing everyone’s perfect moment for the day- Our poor husbands have a pretty tall order to satisfy our wants and needs- desires. Comparisons can be detrimental to yourself and your marriage.

Women you know how it feels… You will never have her body. Her breasts will always be larger and more perfect than yours. Her body doesn’t jiggle when she walks. She has no scars from childbirth. She has abs of steal. She will always be more attractive and sexier than you! It’s not real. Porn is as much reality as your Facebook newsfeed.

4- Alone Time

I know we are all guilty of finally being able to put the kids to bed, having a quiet home and being able to do what we want. We plop on the couch, turn on our favorite TV show and get on Facebook. No need for talking to each other about our days or playing a board game together or growing our relationships, it’s more important to find out what our friends have been doing all day. Or how about the infamous “phone face,” we crawl into bed and instead of having flirty whispering pillow talk, our faces are illuminated by the glow of our phones.

Women are going to bed alone and our husbands are staying up late. “Not tired,” he says…. Are you kidding me? It’s because he wants one thing and you want another. Hear it or not, it’s slowly tearing you apart.

5- It’s an Addiction

Wake up people! Facebook is consuming our lives. Even if we aren’t on it- we talk about posting something or what someone said or did or posted on Facebook. I was having a discussion with a close friend of mine and she mentioned that even when she goes to the bathroom at work for two minutes she is checking Facebook. We can be waiting at the doctor’s office and have already checked it fourteen times but our thumbs easily slide to the app and tap on the blue “F” image just to make sure someone has or hasn’t commented on our post or wrote something we needed to comment or like.

News flash, as much as you are thinking about what’s happening or not happening on Facebook is how much he is thinking about sex. No real awakening there. Porn is an addiction just as much as Facebook is one.

6- Emotionally and Socially Fed

Just as men are visually and sexually fed and stimulated, women are emotionally and socially fed. Facebook talks to us! We need to have conversation and to be needed and to know that we matter to someone. So instead of turning to our husbands for our needs we head straight for social media- Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn, Tumblr, etc Who will listen to us? We cling to who “liked” or didn’t “like” our post. Yes, I will notice who likes this link and who doesn’t, who “shared” it and who didn’t.

7- Level of Satisfaction

Still feel empty? Not quite the level of “fullness” you wanted? Possibly mad or upset? Once we are finished cruising up and down on our newsfeed and checking our notifications, we are left with a level of shame and anxiety and lower self worth. Also, after posting, commenting or even liking on Facebook, I am left with concern. “Maybe I shouldn’t have done that,” “nobody really cares,” “what if they take it the wrong way,” “their silence is deafening,” “I am stuck at work and they are on vacation,” “why do I want to strangle my kids and she is prouder than punch of her little baseball star,” “why didn’t I plan fun activities and adventures for my kids today,” “she is a better mom than me,” “he loves his wife so much more than my husband loves me,” “I wish my husband would do that.”

I can only imagine men feel the same way. “Maybe I shouldn’t have done that,” “she doesn’t care about my needs,” “why doesn’t my wife like that,” “I am stuck here at work providing her every need and she can’t give me the one thing I need.” They feel guilty, dirty, dependent and ashamed. They know it’s not Christ like. They know it’s like putting a wedge between them and the person they love most in this world. Their satisfaction level has got to be far less than a hot and steamy night with their woman.

8- Giant Time Suck

I think we all “wish” we weren’t on Facebook as much. I often read about people who are closing their accounts or taking time away from Facebook or cleaning out their friend list. When we have nothing to do- we get on Facebook. I’m sitting by the pool watching my kids swim… on Facebook. GET IN THE DANG POOL MOM! Riding in the car with my husband or family to church or to the gym… on Facebook. Have you ever vowed to not get on? Even for a day? Do you know how much time you have? To clean out closets or drawers or kids toys? Or start supper? Or play with the kids on the floor? Or talk with your husband when you’re not on Facebook? It’s almost like a boost of energy to not be on it for a day. Oh the things I will accomplish. Instead, we easily load up on the latest “Status Updates” and become immobilized. Even after getting off the site, we sit in disappointment of our lives or in anger that someone did or did not do something.

Just as equivalent to those watching, reading or listening to smut, think of all the sweet texts he could send to his wife to spark that side in her, or the honey-do list items that could get crossed off, or the talking that could take place.

You want to know why you aren’t in the mood for your husband? By the time you’ve reached the end of your exhausting day- you can top it off with hours and hours of being subpar. You are feeling fatter, less beautiful, less talented, more exhausted, worst parent in the history of parents, your meal isn’t as “Pinterest,” your workout isn’t as rigorous (with much less results), your hair isn’t as perfect, your wardrobe is over a decade old, your husband is less sweet, your marriage isn’t as solid, your kids are more crazy, your house is a bigger disaster, your vacations are less elaborate, your relationships are being misinterpreted, you’re not as biblically sound as EVERYONE else around you. No wonder we’re all bogged down. That doesn’t say, “let’s roll around in the hay” to me! Start relying on your husband for your entertainment and for your needs/wants to be met with your family! Let’s be honest- should be hard and frustrating at first but ending with great results!