Day 304,

I have gone to bed 303 times without you next to me. I have woken up 303 times to the thought of you not being here.

I have done a lot since you left me here. I am just trying to figure this thing out. Just when I think I have it figured out, something changes. Lately something has been on my mind about this whole thing called life…

When you left, I had the harsh reality that we live this life for something that we can’t physically see. I use to think every where I went in life you would be there and I would be responsible for you and on some level I believed you were the reason I am here. Like I said, that is just not the case.

I have responsibilities in this life… I have the boys to make sure they are well taken care of and that they grow to be godly men, so they too will see you again.

I have hopes and dreams like anyone else… I am excited about all the things that Part of the Miracle can do for people and their salvation, I look forward to what God has in store for me in this life.

I live in the same world that everyone else does, though it does not feel like I do mentally, I know I am physically here with all of God’s children.

So much of what I have felt God putting on my heart, all the things I write about and feel so deeply, I just feel lead to heartache.

Recently I got this crazy idea that we are living the same day over and over again, just with different circumstances.

Those circumstances change based on all the choices we make.

If we are given God’s grace fresh every day, then why could this not be the case?

Take away the words… seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years and what are we left with?

Eternity.

I don’t pretend to understand what eternity really means and how God really works, but I do believe in the concept of eternity.

I believe I am living in an eternal world since accepting Christ as my Savior.

If I failed yesterday, I get to relive the day and strive for success today. I can do as much with today as I can and leave it all there. I am not certain I will get to relive it again, so I will leave it all here today.

If I sinned yesterday, I am forgiven today, so just live today as I know I should.

This concept gives me so much peace. It means I will always relive a day that you were here, I just have different circumstances. On some level you are part of my day. Today it is a memory.

It means I don’t have to worry about tomorrow if I can possibly keep my head from focusing on anything other than the day.

It means I don’t have to worry about everything I need forgiveness for, I can focus on living right today.

Today I am a little older than when I last saw you, today I feel a little more pain, today I am a little more lonely, today I live for Him, today I am forgiven.

Gabe