A lot of time has passed since I even looked at this website much less thought about writing again. I have found many outlets in which to vent, cry, share happiness and sadness with the ”world”. I came into this site to feel free to grieve. To hopefully find some peace and maybe even inspire someone else who had also lost someone that was their world. It has been over two years ago since I lost my husband to cancer. Not single day goes by that I don’t think of him and miss him terribly. Today is the one year ”anniversary” for someone very dear to me that lost his wife too early. So many similarities that we have found in each other’s lives make us realize that our paths were meant to cross. My heart breaks for him and his children as I know what this day means. The same thing as it did yesterday, two weeks ago, 200 days ago, next year, and forever….it will never change. Our loved ones that passed will never be less missed or less loved. It just doesn’t happen like that. There will be healing and there will be acceptance but our love for those people will NEVER stop. It wasn’t a divorce or a fight that separated us. I will always love Jody and call him my husband and each time I look into my sons eyes, I will see his eyes. Our son is growing up to look and act more and more like him every passing day. A true blessing. I look at the children I am now helping to raise and when I look at this little girl, I see her mom looking back at me as well. I was meant to pick up the pieces of their lives. I was placed here by God and meant to fall in love with this family and to be happy again. We all deserve happiness again. It has been hard seeing so many people on the outside hurt from our choices, but it had to be OUR choices. It will continue to be because that’s what both our spouses would have wanted. My husband would have never wanted Cody to go without a father, a man to help raise him the way he would have seen fit. She would have wanted a mommy for her daughter that loved her as her own and would continue what she was unable to but so desperately wanted to do. I grieve for my husband but not as often. I say grieve as in that I hurt to the extent I feel paralyzed by his absence. I MISS him every second of every hour. To me, there is a difference. I am happy to have moved on with my life and he would have wanted that. It’s coming upon the anniversary of when I met the man that is now my entire world and I am grateful to God for this gift. Life is finally becoming routine again. There are more days of laughter than tears. Two years ago I would have thought the seconds were more like days, dragging on but I was wrong. Those seconds do feel like time gone by but the time is completely different now. It seems normal. Somehow as if THIS was my life along and two years ago was 10. I appreciate every second now. Cherish those around me and am working hard on not taking people for granted. I am in love again and love this man with my entire being. I will spend the rest of my life proving to him that taking a chance at love again was what our futures were meant to do. Our lives WERE meant to cross paths and bring us together. I am a believer of Christ. I have faith. I believe in hope. And I believe in love. I am blessed beyond comprehension. We love those we have lost, will remember them always and rejoice in that one day we will see them again.!
Blessed…..