My last memory of you is of you in Heaven.

I saw you out of the corner of my eye lying there with the slightest smirk on your face… I can only hope it is because you had your peace.

I wish I knew what your last memory was…

Was it when I was reading the prayer book next to your bed?

Was it when you told me you were scared?

Was it when you told you me you loved me?

Was it when I carried you into the hospital?

Was it listening to me telling you to keep fighting?

Was it listening to me cry out to keep you here?

When you left your body, did you see me broken next to you?

Death is so final…

I was lying there with Brody tonight and I just wanted to be able to talk to him about where you are and what it means. There was a time I would put our crying baby to sleep and now its me crying putting our baby to sleep.

I showed Brody your picture tonight and asked him who it is… He said “Mommy.” I asked him where you were and he pointed to your picture and said “right there.”

How do I continue to explain to a 3 year old that his mommy is in Heaven?

I tell him every night that you love him. He always has a smile on his face and says “yeah.”

What if death doesn’t have to be final?

You live on in our hearts. You live on in photos. You live on in videos.

Most importantly you live on in the very place I tell Brody you are… You live on in Heaven.

Death seems so final here, but I know its just the beginning of what we truly live for.

Its like this life is a prologue to a book that isn’t finished yet.

Gabe