Last night, Brody and Cash had their bath and we had a good time like we usually do… A little water on the floor, a few screams, lots of laughs, and a ”daddy I’m done.”

One by one I pick the boys up out of the bath…

”Daddy I’m cold.”

”I know buddy, let me wrap you up”, as I wrap the towel around them, I begin to swiftly move my hands to warm them.

I take this time to take me back to their infant days… I hold them wrapped in my arms and rock back and forth… ”Its my baby, its my baby.”

The smiles are the best and the eye contact is almost unbearable.

Last night it hit me and its not like I haven’t thought about it before…

As I was zipping up Cash’s jammies, he looked me straight in the eyes…

At that moment I think I felt exactly what he was feeling…

It was that moment where I remembered being on the receiving end of that kind of love.

Those feelings you get that take you back to childhood, not the visuals, but the feelings.

I immediately knew he would one day feel exactly as I was, but he would be the daddy and he would be zipping up his little one’s jammies.

How can I make it that he would smile as I was when he would be taken back?

This year has been so much learning, growing, understanding…

This year I was forced to grow as a daddy, but even more so as a mommy…

Lindsay was the mommy that anyone and everyone would beg for… she just ”got it.”

I struggled as a daddy and now I had to be mommy?

It was/is the most ridiculous thought.

I love my boys more than anything in this world. I would do anything for them…

I do my best for them.

My best is Lindsay at her worst.

I just can’t compete with her. I don’t want to…

So here is what I have…

Boys, here is my promise…

I promise at every point, no matter what it is…

hugging you when you come to wake me up…

pouring your third bowl of cereal in the morning…

filling your sippy with more milk…

tucking you in at night…

zipping up your jammies…

no matter what point, I promise to give you something to feel when you are doing exactly what I get to do every day for you.

Gabe