Tonight lying on the floor in the middle of the living room, it happened again…

This time it wasn’t my childhood, it was my life with you.

Cash turned on the iPad and Mat Kearney came on.

I use to travel quite a bit… only a couple days away each time, but the frequency was once a week or once every two weeks…

This went on for the good part of our first year of marriage.

It probably helped with our transition to living together… too much of me can never be good.

I don’t know if it is the starry night and the silence of the house with only the music playing…

But, it took me to being on the plane headed home to you.

I would leave you for those two days, and I would be so excited about getting home to you… to my life.

We had our routine…

I would send you the same text that I love you and miss you and I would call when I land…

You would sneak a note into my suitcase.

I would miss you and I never felt fully me when I was gone.

You always had my heart… I always left it here…

I would be lying if I said I left it here for you… It was here for me…

The safest, most comforting, most wonderful place I could possibly leave it was here with you.

Sitting on that plane, headphones on, music playing, the starry night, the gentle flares of plane lights, and finally as we approached the landing… the city lights, I would always try to find you.

I was always so anxious to hit the ground, so I could turn my phone on to call you.

I missed you.

I’ve been finding out what it is like to carry this heart around all on my own…

Its a lot heavier than I thought… a little tougher.

The pieces are sort of all over the place.

That place I went to tonight, it doesn’t exist anymore.

Its sad.

One of these days, there will be a new place to leave it.

The pieces will come together.

For now, I will remember…

I will hold it together just enough until then.

Gabe

The Suitcase Note