John 20:29

Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

Growing up in a Christian household I have been blessed with believing with a childlike mind, which over time has grown in to something that I never imagined.

I have always had a vivid imagination, which I am thankful to my parents for. For a good part of my childhood I believed that I could change colors. Yes, I would call out the color I was going to change too, hold my breath and strain like I was flexing a muscle and I believed with everything in me that I had just made myself turn green, blue, purple, red, orange… the list goes on. I believed this because my parents would tell me I did it. Incredibly encouraging right? Little did I know that a simple glance in the mirror would reveal that I had not turned green.

I also believed like most children, Santa Claus was real. Unlike most children I believed in him until I was twelve and that is only because I gave up after I wrote a very convincing letter that I would be a very good boy and I would not tell anyone, if he would only take me on a slay ride to deliver toys. Little did I know I could have learned the truth by comparing the words written on letters to me to that of my father’s.

Everyone believes in something. Whether good or bad, right or wrong, you believe in something. Even Hitler believed in something. Atheist’s believe in nothing, which is something.

My entire life, no matter what I was doing, whether it was right or wrong, good or bad, I believed that there is a Heaven and a Hell. I believed there is a single God. I believed He has a son that He sent here to die for me. I believed that son rose from the dead and ascended into the Heaven I imagined with a childlike mind.

Today I can say I no longer believe.

Through all of my believing, I have heard of all the things that God is and what He has done and what He can do. I have had bad things happen to me that I did not understand and I have had good things happen to me that I felt I did not deserve. I have sought answers to questions about faith and my Lord. I have been taught the stories, the right and wrong, the good and the bad, and this has lead me to where I am today.

Today I look in the mirror, I read the words written by my father’s hands and I no longer believe.

I KNOW.