So – Michele is gone. I understand this, yet I can’t believe it. I can intellectualize it, but I can’t accept it yet. …so the big question is now what do I do? Everybody gives advice nobody (except perhaps for Gabe and some of the folks on here dealing with the same issues) GETS IT.

…time is supposed to heal all wounds we’ve been told since birth, yet I know in my heart it is false. Time simply removes us from the immediate situation, but the pain remains. Just as love can grow and make room for more love within us all (as Gabe reminded me over tacos yesterday afternoon) pain does the same thing. We never get past it. We never get through it. We just accept it and learn how to try and get to the next day.

So here I sit in my office. Its quiet. On the conference table across the room, a lovely flower arrangement from a customer (who happens to be the hotel Michele and I were married in) and pictures on the shelf of my family – pictures that I both can’t look at but can’t look away from. …I can’t answer e-mails. I can’t check the flashing voicemail button. I just can’t move my mind from what is missing.

I know there are things to do. I know there are plans to make so the kids can start having some ”normalcy”, but without Michele, I don’t even know what ”normal” is. How do I formulate plans around such a foreign concept? The physical, emotional and spiritual love that has surrounded me because of Michele is just gone. …in a flash. …and I really don’t know what to do next.

Now what?