Have you seen the movie “Finding Nemo?” Do you remember the part with the seagulls on the dock fighting over the fish? “Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.”

We have entered the “mine” stage.

Everyday I get the pleasure of hearing what is Presley’s. She will say “mine” to any and everything- including food, toys, clothes, mom, blankies, etc. “Mine” is always in full force around our house, especially when she is playing with another child. Then they go back and forth with “my baby,” “no, my baby,” “no, my baby.”

Under normal circumstances, (whatever “normal” is) I would have asked who had the toy first and then give it to that child. As I’m sure most of you can relate. My current response to Presley is this, “nothing in this world is yours!”

I feel this is a similar interaction I am having with Heavenly Father. “My baby,” “no, my baby,” “no, my baby.” “That was my Scott. You took him from me. Now give him back!” I am having this tug-of-war with Christ as I am battling the loss of my precious gift. It is as if, I can hear God saying to me, “nothing in this world is yours.”

My eyes have been opened to the realization that he was never mine to begin with. Scott was Christ’s child all along. Yes, he let me “play” with him for 15 years, but I would never feel like I had enough time with Scott. I would never be ok with having him ripped from my hands… Especially, right in the middle of the best time of our lives. I would have always begged for a few more minutes with him. I would have never been willing to just hand him over when I was done “playing.”

Christ took His own child. He didn’t ask me- or you. He didn’t get counsel from anyone. He took what was rightfully His to be at home with Him in Heaven. A hard pill to swallow I can assure you.

Which leads us to the next childish question, “why?”

This is always a favorite. In grieving and death, everyone is asking “why.” “If Christ is such a loving and merciful God, why would he let this happen?” I am asking you, if God came to you today and told you “why” he took Scott so soon, would you be ok with the answer? If you told Presley why she couldn’t have candy before supper, do you think she would say, “oh ok, thanks for letting me know, I completely understand now!” NO! The answer would never be good enough. Similarly, we would follow up like a child. We would either scream in disagreement or enter into the revolving door of never ending questions. It wouldn’t matter the reasoning because it wouldn’t be ok.

When Presley asks me to watch Barney and I tell her no, she throws herself on the floor and cries and kicks her feet in complete disbelief. I stand over her thinking “really Presley? Really? You have a lot bigger issues than whether or not you get to watch Barney.” I have too much perspective now to be concerned with petty issues of life.

When I am kicking and screaming on the bathroom floor in disbelief of my new life. I again, feel like I can hear God saying “Really Lindsey? Really? You have a lot bigger issues than this!”

As a parent, we see the big picture. I know “P” has watched Barney two times already today and that I don’t want her brain to become mush, so I encourage other activities- like going outside or playing in her kitchen.

Christ- He sees the big picture! He has perspective! He knows I will only be away from Scott for 50 years. That is a pretty miniscule amount of time considering getting to spend eternity next to him.

Think of a piece of sand- that is your life. That one tiny pebble is like your 80 years here on Earth. Now picture that piece of sand on the beaches of Hawaii. Not only would you lose it immediately, you wouldn’t care because you would have millions and millions of other countless pebbles of sand to be added to your life.

Picture that as eternity.

In His Grip.

Lindsey