Tonight, I got to spend the night with some of the most important people in my life. Jaime, Homer, Christian, Chris, Gary and my sister, Sara. A table full of laughter. Smiles. Heart. Lots of conversation of old memories of Michele. …some tears were shed, but far more laughter was heard. Good memories. I know we’re all so sad that we won’t have any new memories with Michele – but the old memories are all SO WONDERFUL, virtually universally for all who knew her that it is just impossible to think and talk about them with a heavy heart.

…and all the while, as we laugh and cry about our loss the spirit and indeed presence of her was with us all there tonight. …as was her endless smile. Smiling on us, and pushing us to build new memories on the foundation of memories of her, and on a foundation of what she made us all.

…as I sat there tonight, lost in my own thoughts of my lost love and an absent angel as conversation flew around the table, I realized how the passage of time has so been changed by this experience. …and how a huge part of me wants to race through the process to come out whole. …and how despite that desire time has slowed to a much lazier pace than before we lost Michele. …and then I realized how stupid it would be to race through this time – because there is much joy to be had now. Having been informed forcefully by life that it is indeed short – I don’t want to give up a second. I welcome a lower pace. A minute that feels like an hour. …a second a minute. Looking to freeze moments like the ones tonight in time to enjoy them for as long as possible.

…if I have one regret in my life is that I have always lived it as if there were ”always tomorrow”. …now, we have learned a painful lesson that this isn’t the case. Part of Michele’s legacy shall always be that she has taught me such an important lesson – to hang onto each moment, because we have few, and they are all SO precious and important. I know I’ll live my life differently as a result of learning the lesson. …one of many lessons Michele has taught me that I will always be grateful for.

It’s so easy to look back. It is so easy to dwell on the past. To be angry that ”the things the way they were” never will be again. …but in change, in loss, come new experiences. New memories. New hope. New Love.

My wish – Time Stand Still

I turn my back to the wind
To catch my breath
Before I start off again.
Driven on without a moment to spend
To pass an evening with a drink and a friend

I let my skin get too thin
I’d like to pause
No matter what I pretend
Like some pilgrim
Who learns to transcend
Learns to live as if each step was the end

(Time stand still)
I’m not looking back
But I want to look around me now
(Time stand still)
See more of the people and the places that surround me now
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger
Experience slips away
Experience slips away

I turn my face to the sun
Close my eyes
Let my defences down
All those wounds that I can’t get unwound

I let my past go too fast
No time to pause
If I could slow it all down
Like some captain, whose ship runs aground
I can wait until the tide comes around

(Time stand still)
I’m not looking back
But I want to look around me now
(Time stand still)
See more of the people and the places that surround me now
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each impression a little bit stronger
Freeze this motion a little bit longer
The innocence slips away
The innocence slips away…

Summer’s going fast, nights growing colder
Children growing up, old friends growing older
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger
Experience slips away
Experience slips away…
The innocence slips away